Who knew that your body has more than one voice in your head? I didn’t.
I thought that the body was made complete with only one voice in your head. Besides, isn’t one enough? Recently I have found out that our minds can hear more than one voice, well at least mine does. Currently, a voice is coming from my heart and from my mind and another from my brain. It gets even more complicated because I am a brand new “born again” Christian, and have just found out that being a Christian equips you with yet another voice called the “Holy Spirit”.
All these voices in my head! I am questioning which one I should listen to because each one is saying different things.
Sad to say, the love of my life and I just called it quits, again, for the umpteenth time.
After using all of our words over and over and over again and trying everything we could think of to try and stay together in the manner in which each of us want the manner to be, we are just unable to continue together as a couple.
We just had a very calm discussion agreeing that “WE” are not going to work out.
NO need for arguments or raising of our voices or blame of any kind, the relationship is over. KAPUT!!!!! Now if it were just that easy. Let me say it again to see it helps. KAPUT. Done. Finished. Over. Concluded. Hmmmm, it sounds so final and easy, so why are all these voices still talking about it in my head???
My heart is telling me that IT is in pain and that I am crazy for allowing our relationship to end and that I will never love another man the way I love him and to quote from the Jerry McGuire movie: “HE COMPLETES ME”. My heart continues to say that I cannot live without him.
My mind is telling me that I am sure we could have tried something else to make it work out between us and that I am absolutely crazy in thinking that I can live without this man as he is my “everything”.
My brain is telling me, just like when you are giving up a bad habit that your body is still craving, that I should do whatever it takes to get back together, just get back together.
You would think that 3 voices are enough voices to be heard inside my head, yet there is one more.
The last voice that is speaking to me, the one I am hearing LOUD AND CLEAR is this new voice that I have been hearing ever since I became a born again Christian. It is called The Holy Spirit.
A definition of the Holy Spirit as follows: *“In Christianity, following the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is the One who guides a person to correctly interpret the word of God and He helps each person reach new levels of understanding. Since He knows each person perfectly and it is understood that people think differently, He can transfer information to people in ways that they would comprehend it.”
I LOVE this voice that I have tuned in to! I want everything that this voice does for me. Why wouldn’t I? Just re-read the definition above.
As I type I am fine tuning it so it comes in even clearer as I do not want to hear static anymore. My antenna is getting higher and I am tuning out all of the other voices. I signed up for this “Christian” way of life so why wouldn’t I choose to listen to Him? After wanting to hear this voice that is perfectly named called “The Holy Spirit” and then NOT listening to it would be like acting like a 5 year old and throwing a temper tantrum when Mom is telling me that eating too much candy will give me a tummy ache as she takes the candy away. She is only taking the candy away because she loves me and she knows better!
And The Holy Spirit knows better as well!
The Holy Spirit is telling me that “we” are over and that letting go at this time, before marriage, is the time to let go. This needs to be done and it is the right thing to do.
I am also hearing that it was a blessing that “we” came in to each other’s lives and did for each other what we both know we did for each other. He helped me to get HERE in my life and I helped him to get THERE in his life. Nice job for both of us! A+
And that instead of crying and being sad that we are over, instead rejoice that we once were. And we really “were”! Our hearts and our minds and even our brains connected like nothing I had ever experienced before with a man. What movie makers put in “chick flick” movies is the life I was living with this man. Thank you GOD!
Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me to “Trust in the lord with all your heart” and to “Lean not onto your own understanding” and to “Acknowledge him in ALL your ways” and with that “HE will direct your paths”. As a Christian, these words are highlighted and lived by, not to be argued with. After all, you do not want to argue with the director of your life as He knows what is best for you and He also wants the best for you.
I must now trust and have faith in what I hear the Holy Spirit saying to me.
I am also learning that we should live by what we know and not by what we feel. And the knowing is in “The Word”, the Word from God, and that the victory of success and of healing lies in this way of this thinking and living.
And what I have learned should help me want to change the way I feel.
Think about that last sentence for a while.
Believe me, I am feeling in a BIG way right now as my heart is in agony. I MISS HIM! I still reach for the phone to call him a million times a day to share whatever it is that we used to share without hesitation. Now I hesitate and remember what I have learned and what I am learning right now and that is to listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling me, even if it is what I do not want to hear.
I have to continue to remind myself of this as I keep putting the phone down and to not call him. As in learning anything that you WANT to learn and in wanting to be the best at it, you must practice, practice, practice. Just ask Serena Williams or Seth Curry.
This has been harder to do than staying on any diet I have ever been on. However, this is not a diet, this is my life and my heart. I only have one life and one heart, chubby or not.
With all this said I will now trust and have faith in what I hear the Holy Spirit saying to me and will choose to listen to His voice.
*Once again re-read the definition of The Holy Spirit*
His voice is the one that will work the best for me because He knows me the best. It will give me peace of mind, which at my age of 61 this is what I ask for and not for a new car or a trip around the world. I want peace of mind which gives me silence AND peace in my mind.
So, I will tell my heart to live in gratitude for all the love and 6 years of memories that this man has given it. I will then reason with my mind and then tell my brain that we now have a new voice to listen to.
He’s called the Holy Spirit.
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